************ And in 2009 it's both the Democrats & Republicans ************
************ Two Parrots (James Rivington Pyne) ***********
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,'Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots,
But they only know how to say one thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest inquired.
They say,
'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,
Then he thought for a moment.
'You know,' he said,
'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots,
which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house,
And we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,
And your parrots are sure to stop saying . . That phrase . . In no time..'
'Thank you, ' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day,
She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in,
She saw that his two male parrots
Were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed,
She walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes,
The female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot
And exclaimed,
'Put the beads away, Frank.
Our prayers have been answered.
*** Pelosi GTxi SS/RT Sport Edition (Pinky Williams) ***
******** The start of swine flu (Judy Hensley) ********
************ Men vs Women (Susan Battle) ************A Women's Guide To Male English
- What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
- I'm hungry = I'm hungry
- I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
- I'm tired = I'm tired
- What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
- I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
A Man's Guide To Female English
- We need to talk = I need to complain
- Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
- I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
- We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
- Do what you want = You'll pay for this later I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
- You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
- You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
- I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period
- Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
- I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
- I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
- Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
- I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
- Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
- How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
- I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
- Is my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
- You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
- Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
- Yes = No
- No = No
- Maybe = No
- I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
- This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
- Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
- Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
- All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
