********** Cartoons on getting older (Jack Wilson) **********
********** Classified Ads (Jack Wilson) *********- FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: 8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!
- FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
- FREE PUPPIES: Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
- FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG: Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.
- COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
- NORDIC TRACK: $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
- GEORGIA PEACHES: California grown - 89 cents/lb.
- JOINING NUDIST COLONY: Must sell washer and dryer $300.
- WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE : Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
- FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica,45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything.
A redneck from North Carolina walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Bakersfield on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'
The good ol' Tar Heel boy replied, 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'
*** Three U.S. Navy ships named for Presidents (Louis Camerio) ****
When our Navy was second to none...
U.S.S. Ronald Reagan
Then came the cuts to the Navy budget...
Then came the cuts to the Navy budget...U.S.S. Bill Clinton:
Now inspired by diversity, the loosening of immigration laws and an egalitarian society... here's the U.S.S Obama on it's voyage back from Kenya loaded with his relatives who have been paid off and have promised not to disclose his place of birth:
Now inspired by diversity, the loosening of immigration laws and an egalitarian society... here's the U.S.S Obama on it's voyage back from Kenya loaded with his relatives who have been paid off and have promised not to disclose his place of birth:U.S.S. Barak Hussein Obama 
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