Dave's Joke Journal

**************** Work (Kay Jump) **************
************ The memorial stone (Kay Jump) *************
Jim died.
His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sharon turned to her oldest and dearest friend. 'Well, I'm sure Jim would be pleased,' she said.
'I'm sure you're right,' replied Brenda, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
'How much did this really cost?'
'All of it,' said Sharon. 'Forty thousand.'
'No!' Brenda exclaimed. 'I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?'
Sharon answered, 'The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone.'
Brenda computed quickly. '$32,500 for a Memorial Stone? How big is it?'**************** He ain't my president! ****************



********** (Gary Larson... what goes on in that guy's head?) **********

******** Pictures of my Grandson are on sale in the lobby ********
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE...
CALL NOW & WE'LL DOUBLE YOUR ORDER!

Ain't he a cutie!?
********* Children's answers on science exam (Jay Hemphill) *********

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight..