Dave's Joke Journal

*** What grown men do with their action figures (Surran Pyne) ***

**** Quotes by our CLASSY Democrat leaders (Judy Hensley) ****

'It depends what your definition of 'Sex' is?''
- Bill Clinton
'That Obama - I would like to cut his NUTS off.'
- Jesse Jackson
'Those rumors are false .... I believe in the sanctity of marriage.'
- John Edwards
'I invented the Internet'
- Al Gore
'The next Person that tells me I'm not religious,
I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ASS.'
- Joe Biden
' America is--is no longer, uh, what it--it, uh, could be, uh, what it was once was...uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children.'
- Barack Obama
'I have campaigned in all 57 states.
- Barack Obama
'You don't need God anymore, you have us Democrats.'
- Nancy Pelosi
'Paying taxes is voluntary.'
Sen. Harry Reid
'Bill is the greatest husband and father I know.
No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he.'
- Hillary Clinton (Quoted 1998)

HOW LUCKY CAN WE BE TO HAVE SUCH BRILLIANT MINDS IN CHARGE OF OUR IMPERILED COUNTRY?

************ ATTENTION Border Patrol (Gerry Protzman) ***********

Be on the lookout for a `54 Chevy... Red with White top

************* How'd you die? (Joe Ruisi) ************

1st woman: Hi Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer… We'd both still be alive.

************** Global Warming **************
************* Soup Kitchen (Joe Ruisi) *************

Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter $0.00

Having Michelle Obama Serve you your soup $0.00
Snapping a picture of a homeless person who is receiving government funded meal while taking a picture of the first lady using his $500 Blackberry Priceless