Apple iPad and MORE

************** Airport restroom gadgetIn the washroom in the airport I saw this handwritten sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers:
"Please push button and listen for a short message from the President!"
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************** 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!'
My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!'
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken'.
************** As we age
A group of 40 year old buddies discussed where they should meet for dinner.
Finally it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there had low cut blouses and were very young.
10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was better than most places and the wine selection was extensive.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible and they even had an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.
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**************** California
"Frankly, I don't know what it is about California, but we seem to
have a strange urge to elect really obnoxious women to high office.
I'm not bragging, you understand, but no other state, including Maine,
even comes close. When it comes to sending left-wing dingbats to
Washington, we're number one. There's no getting around the fact that
the last time anyone saw the likes of Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein,
and Nancy Pelosi, they were stirring a cauldron when the curtain went
up on 'Macbeth'. The three of them are like jackasses who happen to
possess the gift of blab. You don't know if you should condemn them
for their stupidity or simply marvel at their ability to form words."
Burt Prelutsky
Columnist, Los Angeles Times
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The Corpus Christi, Texas Police Department reports finding a man's body in the Nueces River near Labonte Park .
The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption.
He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a Obama for President in 2008 t-shirt. He also had a cucumber in his rectum.
The police removed the Obama t-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.
In spite of what we sometimes think, the Police DO care.****************
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