Joke Journal 1/18/2010

************** Best of Willam Shatner (Skip Robbins)

************** (Kay Jump)

************ Circle Flies (Chris Mauldin)
A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather more support for his Health Plan.
Once he discovers the cowboy is from President Bush’s home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around hi s head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well Sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, Sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their President a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies, though.
************** (Kay Jump)


******** How I learned to mind my own business (Susie Q)

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day.
All the patients were chanting, '13... 13... 13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little hole in one of the fence planks, so I looked through to see what was going on...
Some crazy bastard poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14... 14... 14'...

************** (Kay Jump)


********* REDNECK HOME SECURITY (Bob Owen)
HOW TO INSTALL A REDNECK HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba, Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back soon. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Satan took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cooter
************** (Click on image to enlarge)(Marilyn Sorensen)*************** -30- *************